Life After 17

I just looked at all of your blogs and I realized all of my followers are freakin’ good looking haha and Im not just saying that!

Happy Sunday everyone! Not much going on..I did go to New Orleans last night and I had pictures but I lost my phone :/ Also Im thinking of posting a video soon, which means you’ll get to hear my voice. Exciting stuff!

Im sure Ive talked about coming out before, but I don’t believe Ive told my story yet. Id first like to say that my story isn’t that dramatic or really exciting, but Ill tell you anyway.

I guess the hardest part about coming out was actually admitting to myself that I was attracted to guys. From a young age Ive always felt different. Instead of playing in the boys room in pre-school with trucks and blocks, I played in the dress up room with dresses props and wigs. When you’re that young you really don’t feel sexual attraction to anyone; or at least I didn’t. All through my lower elementary years it was kind of the same thing I was into a lot of theater and musicals and that sorta thing. It was 5 or 6th grade when I remember having a crush on one of my class mates that was a guy. I kept telling myself that I just wanted to be his friend, but I really wanted something more. It was a very confusing time in my life. I tried dating a girl; it was the summer before middle school. It went well, and I even dated another girl after that in 7th grade. They were ok relationships, but there was something that was always off for me. Until my junior year in high school, I pushed away my feelings for guys ( well..to be honest and gross don’t read this if you’re grossed out easily.) I still would think about guys in the moments when I was doing what all other young teenage boys do, but other than that I would not admit to myself that I was gay. Even hearing someone talking about or mentioning the word gay scared me. I  don’t know what took place between June and July the summer before my senior year, but I just gave in. I finally admitted to myself that I WAS GAY. 

To shorten this up, I met a guy that was actually my first roommate (he’s not now), and we ended up dating for a couple of months. It was in October that I told my mom. We were in the car coming home from a college visit when she asked me if I had gay tendencies. I told her that I did and she didn’t take it to harshly. When she told my dad he didn’t want to believe it and they both still have their moments where its not so easy for them to come to terms with my sexuality, but overall, they love and support me. And you know Im thankful for that. My mom grew up with my grandpa, who’s a southern baptist preacher and very conservative. My dad grew up with conservative parents as well. So Im lucky to have the parents I have sometimes I guess. 

The past couple of months Ive just started identifying myself as a gay male out in public, and so far so good. I know Ill run up against people who don’t agree with my life choices, but all I can do is walk on. And about religion, as long as Im living a life full of love and Im doing good things, why should I go to hell? But thats a whole other argument. 

If you have any other questions or want to talk write me :)

Yesterday afternoon one of my close friends called me to tell me her boyfriend had just broken up with her. Thats fine people break up..but what really got me is how he handled the break up. He told her that he was breaking up with her because she had gained a little weight since they had started dating. What an ass right? That being said I decided to write a little something about imperfections. I guess Ill start out by saying that I remember for the longest time I didn’t feel attractive. I believe this stems in part from being the chubby funny kid in upper elementary through my early years of high school. Of course its different now; Ive slowly learned to accept my body in whatever shape it may be in, and getting over certain things I dislike is still a work in progress, it always will be, but Im miles away from where I used to be (Ive lost 100 pounds since 10th grade by eating right and taking care of myself). Lately Ive actually been finding that I love my quirks because it makes me who I am. Being the fat kid for all those years has taught me to never judge a book by its cover; it also taught me humility. I guess confidence comes with age. So those of you who might happen to read this that are still young or not so confident, hang in there because its people like you who grow up to be beautiful inside and out.

Ill still get made fun of for my “vampire teeth” but Ive embraced it. It makes me different.

I absolutely love you and if you ever need anything at all do not hesitate to write :)

Those are two pictures of where I live; good ole Bay St. Louis, MS. The first picture’s of our beach and the second is of the bridge that connects us to the rest of the world. BSL (bay st louis) Is connected by bridges on all sides. I just thought Id fill you in a little on where I am in the world.

I was sitting at the pinkberry in New Orleans yesterday with a new friend of mine and I kept thinking to myself how much I love the city. I was born in New Orleans only 18 years ago in June, and shortly after my parents decided to move us to Metaire, which is a suburb of the city. Im in bay st. louis MS now, about a 45 minute drive to the city and I sometimes long for city life. When I ask my folks why they relocated they always reply with the same answer ” We wanted to get away from the city.” I think they have this idea that city kids grow up faster and mature at a younger age. I wouldn’t mind that, Its tough being around kids who are so different from me because they’re into hunting and fishing and that sort of thing. 

I think I was always meant to live in a bigger city. I love feeling surrounded by buildings and the city ambience. All we have in this town, quite literally, is a Walmart, a taco bell, a mcdonalds, and some gas stations/auto part stores. All in all I don’t think I would change anything about where I grew up. In a way i guess it makes me who I am today. I just like to question how it would be different if I grew up in another environment; a city environment. I won’t be here for much longer, Ill be moving to Baton Rouge shortly. I have a slight feeling I might miss it, which is kind of a scary thought.

Love you and talk to you soon!

Today was my first day working at American Eagle. I really wouldn’t call it my first working day because all I did was go in for their “orientation” for new associates. I got there at 11 and filled out some information about myself and what not. Then we went into the back. There was a room to the left of the employees only entrance that was filled about 3 stories high (no joke) of American Eagle apparel. Everything from necklaces to shoes to underwear. The manager showed us around just a bit and then she made us watch a series of videos featuring the company’s favorite phrase “Be party ready.” After we went out to the sales floor and started cashier training. It seemed pretty hectic, but I think I can handle it. I think Id much rather be a greeter and a sales floor person though because I like interacting with people. Overall it wasn’t a bad day I learned some about the company. I learned I get a 40-50% discount on my purchases and I learned that 77 kids (american eagle for kids) will no longer be part of the company. Aerie (the other section within AE that specializes in woman’s intimates.) is still up in the air. Im off to read my associate handbook :P

Talk to you later!

Good morning guys! Id like to first welcome my new followers I appreciate the follow and if you ever want to talk don’t be afraid. In a way you’re kind of like my best friend because I can tell you anything. So I know it sounds wacky but yesterday I was in my first movie. It was based off of the novel Beautiful Creatures and I was a “movie goer”. It was a very surreal and interesting experience. I woke up at 4am to go to set in New Orleans. They made us park in a parking lot and they drove us to wardrobe and check in. The good thing about working on a movie set is the food! For breakfast and Lunch they literally had everything you could ever want. From 7 freshly squeezed juices to lamb shish kabobs. Not to mention all of the diverse people you meet on set; most of whom are pretty cool. I actually met someone I really like, but thats another story. After about 2 hours of check ins and wardrobe checks and fittings, we finally made our way on to set, which ironically was in an old New Orleans theater. A movie within a movie. We stood in a row while they picked out which movie goer would go where. I lucked out! This is my first time as a movie extra and I got placed directly behind the main characters, so I should get quite some screen time. Nothing much happened after that. It’s mostly stop wait and go wait and go and cut and action..There is so much that goes into producing a movie it’s crazy. Between the lighting and sound and all the people; I was awed! We shot three scenes and when it was all said and done, we spent 7 hours sitting in those movie theater seats. After we went back to wardrobe and ate lunch. 

It was a really positive experience and I’d recommend any one who wants to make a buck or two ($101.50!) for just sitting around looking pretty and eating, you should sign up with an extras agency. My local one here in Louisiana is called batherson casting. Its free to sign up and they shoot you emails every once in a while telling you whats casting.

That was my day yesterday! Love you all and see you later (: